For as long as I can remember, I did it with my left two fingers. They crawled between my thighs and found my tiny bud hidden in fleshy folds. Alone in bed, I rubbed and rubbed until my legs stiffened and an eruption of pleasure seized me. No one had told me it was dirty or wrong to touch myself; I instinctively knew my pleasure was to be kept in the dark, a secret.
Shame around sex is so ubiquitous it has infiltrated our collective unconsciousness to hover over the beds of our children. Despite evidence that self-pleasuring begins in utero and is part of healthy sexual exploration, it still carries a stigma. Blame religion.
The Catholic Church decreed that any sexual acts not leading to procreation were sins of eternal damnation back in the sixth century. Since then, thousands of people have been sexually molested by pedophilic Catholic priests. Clearly, repressing our sexuality leads to perversions. The Catholic Church no longer considers masturbation a mortal sin; it’s a pardonable sin now. Just find a priest for a confession.
It’s not only the Christians that sow sexual guilt and trauma like seeds. Allah frowns on the act, and the Torah forbids the discharge of semen in vain and considers masturbation a grave sin.
Well fuck me, Father, for I have touched myself and I’m going to keep touching myself and tell everyone I know why it’s good for them to touch themselves too. I’ll wander the well-paved road to hell with all the other masturbators: the penguins, the bats, the elephants, the primates, the Dolphins, the babies who have yet to be born, the little kids, the big kids—all of my tribe.
I will tell them to give you back your shame and distorted dogma. I will teach them to become sexually and spiritually sovereign. I will explain that sex for procreation and recreation are fundamental levels of our sexuality, and encourage them to (at least some of the time) reach beyond the rudimentary sex we share with the animals to higher sexuality, which is rejuvenating and transformational.
You have my permission to masturbate. Need a Reason?
Stress reduction. Yeah yeah, we all know orgasms release the feel-good endorphins dopamine and oxytocin which lower the stress hormone cortisol, but so does a good massage. And most of us feel relaxed after a noble orgasm and sleep better, but the same can be said after a killer work-out.
Still, there are tons of clichéd reasons to pleasure yourself. It’s salubrious. It enhances the immune system. You can play with fun toys and gadgets. You can teach yourself to have multiple orgasms. Studies even suggest orgasms can prevent prostate cancer in men and ease menstrual pain for the ladies. And Goddess bless the breeders, if procreation is your goal, a woman is more likely to conceive if she has first had an orgasm.
Want to go Beyond the Basics?
Make masturbation count. Masturbation can be much more than a wasted quick rub out. If it’s already a sin, why not go to hell in a handbasket and practice sex magick. Here are some tips to unleash the beast Crowley style.
A beginner’s guide to solo sex magick: Sexual energy is creative power. Adding sexual energy to a magick spell is like throwing gasoline on fire. Unite the intentions of your mind with the power of your sexuality to manifest your desires. Here is one example:
1. Concentrate on your purpose. Create an affirmation. For example, say you want to attract the perfect mate. Repeat the following affirmations over and over in your mind, “I have more love than I ever thought possible. I am in the perfect relationship for me. My soulmate and I are deeply connected.” The results you achieve will be proportionate to your ability to focus on your purpose. Visualize your goal. Feel the joy, the love, and the ecstasy of your romance manifested.
2. Build a container of intense sexual energy while holding steadfast to your intention. Take yourself to the brink and back off. Guys should delay orgasm as long as possible. Ladies should edge or have multiples.
3. At the moment of orgasm, breathe your sexual energy into your intention.
4. You may consummate the ritual by consuming your sexual secretions or using them to christen and charge a talisman.
Feeling lonely? Invite Your Friends to Join You.
Have a Masturbation Ritual. This is a fantastic way to build sexual energy with others without the exchange of bodily fluids or sticky emotional entanglements. It’s also a powerful way to dissolve shame and sexually liberate yourself.
Party Guidelines: If you are hosting the party, be prepared to guide the participants through the entire evening or invite a sacred sexuality priest/ess to cast a magick circle and facilitate. To cast a circle is to create sacred space. Start small, between 5 and 10 people. Decide in advance if you want to hold a mixed gender or same-sex only ritual. Have everyone bring a water bottle, yoga mat, blanket, pillow, hand towel, their personal lubricant, and a sacred object to place in the center of the circle. This object will be imbued with the potent creative energy you build together. Lay the mats out in a circle leaving a few inches of space between them. Give everyone time to stretch and get their magic carpet mat ready to ride. Give clear directions and guidelines. Lie down with your heads toward the center. Create a sensual ambiance. Dim the lights and put on trance inducing background music like Shamanic Dreams II by Anugama.
Have a couple of boxes of Kleenex and baby wipes on the periphery of the circle. First, guide the group through a grounding and centering meditation, and then into a breathing technique to accelerate orgasm. There are tons of variations on this ritual such as starting with dance to elevate sexual energy and using a technique called raising the cone of power. Everyone can focus on their own intention, or the group can have a shared intention. Leave time for everyone to decompress and share their experience.
You Like it Sticky?
Masturbate on someone else. I hope you’ve seen the flick Secretary. It’s one of my favorites. Remember the scene where Edward E. Grey jacks off on his secretary’s, back. SO HOT! What better way to express your dominance or demonstrate your ultimate submission? Take it sweetheart… anywhere your dominant wants to let it squirt.
Masturbation is your birthright. It is necessary to fully appreciate your unique pathway to pleasure. Chronic masturbation, like overeating, can lead to all kinds of dysfunction so please be mindful. Be your own master and listen to your inner wisdom. Practice switching up your techniques and masturbating without coming. In my Daoist tradition, we call this morning prayer. It’s a wonderful way to fuel your system with potent sexual energy and take it into your day.