Sacred Slut: Dating A Wounded Man

 

Dear Sacred Slut,
 
I spent some amazing time (yet short, only a few long dates) with a man who seemed to be very into me, yet he slept with another woman afterwards and confessed, telling me he thought maybe he was “sabotaging” us because he was afraid of falling too fast. He said he wasn’t going to be sexual with her again. (I didn’t require that, only told him that I didn’t think I wanted to continue if he wanted to date others.) Then he said he was going to refrain from intimacy with either of us but wanted to see us both. Later we spent a night together anyway, and he made the conscious decision (unbeknownst to me) before we got sexual to not see anyone else.
 
Nonetheless, the next day he felt sad that he’d gone against his word and was confused about his hesitation to “jump in with both feet.”
 
My last response to him was that I wanted to give him a wide berth to allow him to have time and space to figure things out. Shit, I don’t even know what my “question” is, except wondering if you have any thoughts about it and what my best recourse might be. Two previous wives left him for other men and his last relationship was very cold and lacking affection.
 
Love,

Uncertain How To Proceed

 

Dear Uncertain,
 
I’m impressed by your response to this fella. It sounds like you know who you are and what you want. You’ve been following your intuition and making sound and wise decisions in regard to the situation. You’ve done everything right. Well done. Continue to be clear about your boundaries, needs, and desires and see if he is able to man up and give you the same. But don’t do it for too long. 
 
It sounds like he’s unfortunately broken and bruised. I believe giving him a wide berth was a good move. Two wives ditching him may be a red flag. 
 
My question to you is: Do you want to be the healer of this man? Do you want to take the time to deal with his wavering in commitment and the fear and the projection that may come at you as a result? 
 
If you have the compassion, energy and strength to love this brother up then by all means, shine your love light. We all need someone to fluff up our feathers and remind us of our divine nature from time-to-time. 
 
Stay true to your heart and don’t jump in with both feet. Guys like this can be more trouble than they’re worth. And there may be someone who is zealous in his devotion and desire for you just around the corner. 
 

Readers please chime in and help a sister out. Leave your positive thoughts and advice in a comment below. 

 
Keep it Slutty, Make it Sacred.
 
Love,

~SS
 
 
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