Sacred Slut: Down in Divorce

Dear Sacred,

 

I have been married to a wonderful woman for seven years. It was never a legally binding commitment but we had a ceremony and truly were a devoted couple for this time. Everything was “us.” Our money, our cat, our car, our friends, our Vitamix. Now that we are separating I find us both engaging in behaviors I never imagined either of us in. It’s horrible. I loved this woman dearly for a long time, but separating out of us to me and you feels like it is going to destroy any love we once shared for each other.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Down in Divorce.

 

Dear Down in Divorce,

 

Believe me I completely understand. This is my take on the break-up, divorce dilemma after going through a divorce and couple of hard break-ups myself. It seems like there is a big negative vortex of collective unconscious divorce qi*. It is bitter, resentful, vengeful, greedy and angry. All those yucky things we don’t want to be. But it’s easy when we are hurting to step into that ring.

 

I would visualize a circle that represented the collective divorce field and physically step out of its circumference. Remind yourself you do not want to be part of that nasty qi-field. It has a strong gravitational force and seems to grab us and pull us in without us even know it’s happening. Stay strong in your commitment to conscious uncoupling. Stay in your heart. Be VERY CLEAR with needs and boundaries. Keep blessing each other for all the beautiful good times and lessons shared. Practice compassion. Hire a mediator to help you deal with the road blocks.

Hopefully the two of you can remain friends. But usually space is needed and sometimes moving on with no contact is necessary for one’s healing.

 

You may want to consider a decoupling ritual once the, “this is my pillow, you get Spot every other weekend,” discussions are completed.

 

May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
Love Sacred.

I highly recommend the Buddhist Metta meditation practice. Here is a link with clear descriptions of the practice. and here’s one for those visual learners.

 

* Qi is energy for those who don’t speak Dao.

 

Love,
SS
 
 
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